Having recently left the recruiting company for which I've worked these past 10 months--a job that was a risky endeavor to begin with and was
supposed to result in great financial and personal success--I'm suddenly faced with a lot of crossroadsy choices and emotions. Naturally, everyone to whom I talk is at-the-ready to offer free advice...however, one friend of mine sent me the following article that highlights the importance of paying attention to those who might actually know what they're talking about... :) (originally published in the Huffington Post)
Top 10 Lessons for Living from the Wisest Americans
Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.
| Dec 07, 2011 09:29 AM EST
In contemporary society, we don't often ask our elders for
advice. We're much more likely to talk to professionals, read books by
pop psychologists or motivational speakers, or surf the internet for
solutions to our problems. In general (and for the first time in human
history), we no longer look to our society's oldest members as a key
source of wisdom for how to live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling
lives.
As a gerontologist, I have come to believe that this attitude is a
serious mistake. Older individuals (especially persons age 70 and
beyond), are in fact the most credible experts we have available for
knowledge about how to live well through hard times. They have been
through unique historical experiences -- such as the Great Depression
and World War II -- that have taught them how to thrive in the face of
adversity. And they have personally experienced many of the tragedies
younger people dread, giving them the ability to advise the rest of us
about resilience in the face of illness and loss.
Over the past six years, I've conducted a research project designed
to tap the practical wisdom of older Americans. Using several different
social science methods, I've collected responses from over 1,200 elders
to the question: "Over the course of your life, what are the most
important lessons you would like to pass on to younger people." I then
combed through the responses, and the result was a set of lessons for
living from the people I have called "the wisest Americans."
As I look back over years of talking with America's elders, 10
lessons stand out as those they would like most to convey to younger
people. Read these "Top 10 Lessons for Living" and let me know how they
apply to your own life.
Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones.
Although many grew up in poverty, the elders believe that the biggest
career mistake people make is selecting a profession based only on
potential earnings. A sense of purpose and passion for one's work beats a
bigger paycheck any day.
Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years: Stop
using "I don't care how long I live" as an excuse for bad health
habits. Behaviors like smoking, poor eating habits and inactivity are
less likely to kill you than to sentence you to years or decades of
chronic disease. The elders have seen the devastation that a bad
lifestyle causes in the last decades of life -- act now to prevent it.
Say "Yes" to opportunities: When offered a new
opportunity or challenge, you are much less likely to regret saying yes
and more likely to regret turning it down. They suggest you take a risk
and a leap of faith when opportunity knocks.
Choose a mate with extreme care: The key is not to rush
the decision, taking all the time needed to get to know the prospective
partner and to determine your compatibility with them. Said one
respondent: "Don't rush in without knowing each other deeply. That's
very dangerous, but people do it all the time."
Travel more: Travel while you can, sacrificing other
things if necessary to do so. Most people look back on their travel
adventures (big and small) as highlights of their lives and regret not
having traveled more. As one elder told me, "If you have to make a
decision whether you want to remodel your kitchen or take a trip --
well, I say, choose the trip!"
Say it now: People wind up saying the sad words "it
might have been" by failing to express themselves before it's too late.
The only time you can share your deepest feelings is while people are
still alive. According to an elder we spoke with: "If you have a grudge
against someone, why not make it right, now? Make it right because there
may not be another opportunity, who knows? So do what you can do now."
Time is of the essence: Live as though life is short --
because it is. The point is not to be depressed by this knowledge but to
act on it, making sure to do important things now. The older the
respondent, the more likely they were to say that life goes by
astonishingly quickly. Said one elder: "I wish I'd learned that in my
thirties instead of in my sixties!"
Happiness is a choice, not a condition: Happiness isn't a
condition that occurs when circumstances are perfect or nearly so.
Sooner or later you need to make a deliberate choice to be happy in
spite of challenges and difficulties. One elder echoed almost all the
others when she said: "My single best piece of advice is to take
responsibility for your own happiness throughout your life."
Time spent worrying is time wasted: Stop worrying. Or at
least cut down. It's a colossal waste of your precious lifetime.
Indeed, one of the major regrets expressed by the elders was time wasted
worrying about things that never happened.
Think small: When it comes to making the most of your
life, think small. Attune yourself to simple daily pleasures and learn
to savor them now.
As the holidays approach, that last lesson is a great one to think
about. Because of their awareness that life is short, the elders have
become attuned to the minute pleasures that younger people often are
only aware of if they have been deprived of them: a morning cup of good
coffee, a warm bed on a winter night, a brightly colored bird feeding on
the lawn, an unexpected letter from a friend, even a favorite song on
the radio (all pleasures mentioned in my interviews). Paying special
attention to these "microlevel" events forms a fabric of happiness that
lifts them up on a daily basis. They believe the same can be true for
younger people as well -- and it's well worth a try at any age!
